aku ingin

emosi pedih melanda hati, jiwa, nafsu & perasaan....

aku ingin terbang bebas di dada langit seperti burung-burung yang bermain angin

aku ingin berenang bebas di lautan dalam seperti ikan-ikan di dalam sangkar lautan

aku ingin menjadi kanak-kanak yang tertawa riang

aku ingin tersadai bersendirian di pulau

aku ingin lari dari realiti

aku ingin lari dari kenyataan

aku ingin ketawa berdekah-dekah

aku ingin menangis teresak-esak

aku ingin.....

aku nak sebuah kereta

please ayah...saya mahu sebuah kereta supaya senang untuk menggerakkan diri saya ke mana-mana sahaja!

boleh tak ayah ku sayang....?

finally!

selepas aku berusaha bertungkus lumus dalam meningkatkan keupayaan diri aku ni, akhirnya aku berjaya jugak menaikkan pointer aku! so, terima kasih banyak-banyak kepada sesiapa yang telah sudi menyumbangkan idea dan tenaga mereka untuk menolong diriku ni.

kini, aku telah berjaya mendapatkan 4.00

tapi untuk semester yang lepas je la..tapi, ape-ape pon aku amat la bersyukur dengan result aku.

Alhamdulillah, terima kasih Tuhan...

go~ boongashoes!

semalam aku ada terjumpa satu blog yang amat best! memang aku tabik spring kat empunye blog nih sebab mempunyai daya kreativiti yang cukup tinggi. blog tersebut adalah...

boongashoes!

design untuk shoes tersebut memang lawa and really attractive. aku sendiri punya minat nak beli tapi malangnya at this moment, aku tak mempunyai duit nak membeli kasut-kasut tersebut!

arggh!! benci!

tapi tak mengapa. nanti bila aku dah mempunyai saliran wang yang cukup jitu lagi kukuh, aku akan sendirinya menempah design yang amat power dan cun giler!

masa tu, memang aku akan berjalan dengan gah nye sebab aku memakai kasut yang unik dan hanye aku seorang yang memakainya~~

hahaha (gelak seperti ahli sihir yang jahat!)

so, hesitate no more and drop by to the blog untuk tengok mana-mana yang korang berkenan, yang chantek tertarek d bom!

till then...

anjakan paradigma

aku sebenarnye da malas nak buat entri dalam bahasa inggeris nih. penat lah. bukannye x reti berbahasa inggeris tapi aku x terrer sangat dalam bahasa inggeris ni. makanye aku tulis lah dalam bahasa melayu yakni bahasa ibunda kita.

arakian, cerita yang terbaharu pasal diriku ini, aku baru je lulus lesen kereta dan berasa teruja di atas kejayaan tersebut.

malangnya.

disebabkan ayahku memiliki kereta jenis lori (storm) maka aku amatlah malas sekali nak keluar memandu kereta atau pun 'lori' tersebut. bukannya kami sekeluarga tidak memiliki kereta lain tapi, kereta tersebut amatlah old skool dan membuat aku bertambah lah malas nak memandu kereta tersebut. kereta tersebut adalah toyota LE.

dan.

aku berharap aku dapat memujuk ayahku yang terchenta untuk membelikan aku sebuah kereta yang kiranya padan dengan diriku yang agak comel ini (comel ker?)

tapi.

memandangkan diriku ini bukanlah berasal dari golongan yang agak berada dan senang. makanya aku tidak akan dapat sekali-kali memujuk ayahku untuk membeli kereta idamanku yakni volkswagon beetle.

atau

bolehkah?

mau ditamparnya aku nanti.

makanya kereta impian ku hanya tinggal impian.

isk.isk =,='

entitled

sudah lame aku tidak merepek dalam blog aku ni..walaupon aku tau yg xde spe pon yg bce..tp aku kisah pe? =p hoho..xde pe pon yg menarik sejak 2 menjak ni..terlalu la bosan perjalanan idop aku ni..amatla bosan..finally, aku akan mengakhiri semester aku dlm mase kurg seminggu je lagi..pastu..aku bebas~~freedom~~ tp..kejap jela (T_T)' ape pon xpe! asalkan aku da xyah ngadap lagi muka lecturer aku yang cam hampeh tu..da la pilih kasih..benci btol..aku tau la aku ni x brape cerdik tp x ptut la dier memilihkn kasihnye dgn tidak fokus terhadap aku langsung..

adoi...life aku ni..amatla bosan..x sabor rsenye nk dpt kereta..hopefully dpt la..cayunk ku kate nk belikan utk aku..woohuuu(smbil melompat girang~) xkisah la pe jenis pon...asalkn dpt la aku mrayap2 drpd dok dlm hutan Mantin yg indah tapi terpencil nih..aku nak bjalan2..aku nk de life sket..xdela aku bosan je smpai trase nk bunuh dri ke ape ke..

aku pon x la asik mharap kat org je sbb slalu pinjam kete, anto g post office ker, g pekan ker...maklumlah, time kite susah2 cmni org bknnye nk tlg kite sgt..maka, kekdg klu bnde tu urgent sgt bru la aku tpaksa mekap tebal & pkai bedak blapis2 utk mintak tlg ngn org..lgpon, klu naik kete org ni, aku tpksa la mngikut saje tanpa dapat mambantah sebarang kata..nti org kate kite ni ngade plak..nyusahkan org...maka, klu aku ade kete sendiri, aku la yang wat kputusannye..nk balik kul bpe, nk g mne...time tuh aku pulak yang akan mengconqure segalanye & diorg tpksa mndengar segala arahan aku dengan jiwa yang tidak senang dan tidak puas hati...
woohoo...seronok rsenye time tuh..

da la...cukup la aku merepek..pnat la nak menaip...aku pon not in mood utk berblogging sbnrnye..tp sbbkn lame sgt aku x merepek, maka, rse x fair plak utk dri aku sndri..hoho..

pe pon..adios~~

ayah, i love u!

Sabda Rasulullah (s.a.w), "Wahai manusia, sesungguhnya AllaH berfirman kepadamu: Suruhlah (manusia) berbuat makruf dan cegahlah mereka dari kerja-kerja mungkar sebelum (tiba suatu waktu dimana) kamu meminta, lalu Aku tidak lagi menerimanya, dan kamu memohon pertolongan lalu Aku tidak menolong kamu lagi."

(Hadis riwayat Ibnu Majah dan Ibnu Hibban)

Hadis ni betul-betul membuka mata aku pada segala dosa yang aku dah lakukan sepanjang hidup aku ni. aku takut sangat sekiranya segala dosa aku tidak diterima taubatnya lagi. aku tau dah berjuta dosa yang aku lakukan; towards my parents especially! ampunkan Ilah, umi ayah!

banyak dosa yang Ilah dah lakukan. dah tak terbilang rasanya. one day, suddenly the fact knock over my head, when my mom said that before a daughter get married, all her sins are being burden by father. the fact that ayah will hold on the burden of my sins makes me so so so sad. i know ayah is not a perfect man, however he is my everything. although ayah came from a-not-very-religious family background, he has go through all his life to raise us, take a good care of us.

ayah is getting thinner than before. i really suprised when he fetched me at KL Central few months ago and he is getting thinner and thinner. he used to 'makan bertambah' but now he only eat once and less. i remembered when i said 'ayah, you look skinny than before, why?' then he answered 'tired looking for money to give my family 'eat'.

ayah...you are getting old, i noticed it. with your hair getting 'beruban', you energy and passion towards fishing are getting less and less. your daughter has grown up ayah, and i'll try to make you happy for me. i dont want to lose you ayah. i almost lose you once in the past and i dont want to lose you now, ayah. not now. let me make you happy with my life.

give me chance to be a better daughter to you. i want you to smile wider because of me. i promise i'll try my best to be a wonderful daughter to you and give me chance to pay back all what you have done through my life..

what? it's all about me right?

what makes u so special

Your Result

So, what does make you so special? Well here's the answer to that: Your Attitude! You know what you want and love to speak your mind! You have the guts to stick up for anyone, especially friends! It's your way, or the high way!


what is ur best quality

Your Result

You are Calm, sometimes mistaken for lazy. Life is all about finding the most comfortable chair, the warmest spot, the longest nap. Little details don't bother you, because life's little trial aren't worth getting an ulcer over. You will never get high blood pressure, trust me.

how mature r u

Your Result

You've got it totally under control. you're light years away from the rest of the people in your age group. Way to go. This is the attitude that will get you to places.

what makes ur relation so strong

Your Result

You know how to compromise!
Hoggin the spotlight is not your priority! You'd rather cooperate with loved ones than force your own way. Because you always consider others' feelings, your relationships are full of love and strong enough to stand the test of time.

r u a daddy's girl

Daddy's girl to the maximum!
No matter how grown-up you get, you will always be your Daddy's little girl - and that's fine with both of you. He is your protector and the one you run to when you want something. (At times, it almost seems too easy to wrap him around your little finger!) Thank Goodness for Dad!

what word describe u

Your Result

Unceremonious-
A great word for you is unceremonious. You know how to go with the flow and have a good time. You're up for whatever and you're not a picky person, which is great. You go along with anything. Just remember that not everything is a good idea to go along with. There are times when you need to stand up to things that you think are wrong.

what color is my heart is?

Your Heart is Indigo

Just like the ocean, those with indigo hearts are constantly in turmoil, changing like quicksilver from happiness to fury. Love comes slowly to those with indigo hearts, but it is always true. They are passionate lovers, and are extremely faithful once they find someone who can survive their emotional chaos. Although they don't work well in groups, they can adapt easily. At worst, they can become violent and vengeful, furious towards those who cause them injury.

get out from my life!!

i hate her!! i hate her more than anything or anyone else! she thought she the great one, with the great voice, with the great knowledge, everything! shame on you! i don't respect you at all even though i have to paste plastic smile at my face! go to hell honey..you dont deserve any kindness..all you do are making my life, making all people life in miserable! ya AllAh! i dont want to talk about you no more! you disguise me! go and rotten in hell! even though i know i maybe will be there for cursing u!

exhausting journey! =) / =(

last night activities:-

~went to open house at Jiman's
~ eat..eat..eat..and eat!
~ got lost on the way back
~ suddenly planned to go to Melaka
~ reached Melaka
~ had a fight with Hafis coz went to Melaka
~ jln2 at Melaka
~ went to Dataran Pahlawan McD
~tensed up with Hafis
~ lost mood
~eat again at McD!
~took jumping pics
~ go way back to Mantin Jungle
~still had a fight with Hafis
~ slept for a while in the car
~ reached Nilai toll
~ reached hostel
~ try to reached Hafis phone
~ he's already slept
~take a bath and sleep~~~

selamat hari raye..

sorry for not update my blog lately..
too busy with assignments and exams..
just finished my first exam today..
tomorrow is the last exam..

i'll not be update my blog until the 2nd weeks of raya..
so..till then..

daa~~~

gud luck for all my frens and selamat hari raye aidilfitri..

my apology for all of u.. =)

dey! pegi mati la papan reput!

ades! npe la ko xleh idop cam pompuan laen? npe ko nk gak ngn laki org tu?? konpius btul aku! smpai bile agknye ko nk sdar? smpai aku bg pnampar sbijik kat muka ko? smpai aku trajang ko..ish! nme pon member! nk wat gitu kang x smpai ati..nti ptus kwn la, ptus sedare la, ptus urat la! eeee..bgang btul aku! klu ku jmpe jantan 'haloba' tu nk je aku cekik2 smpai k.o! da de bini dua pon xsdr2 lg! miang buluh! miang keladi! miang kuceng!

syg sne syg cni! naik geli gelaman aku dgr! lebiu sne lebiu cni! muntak kahak hijau la aku! aku tau la nafsu ko tu ngah mmuncak! tggu mase nk baham je! xpe..mmndgkn skrg ni bulan pose yg diberkati lg dredhai..aku sbr..aku nk tgk sjauh mne la action ko tu..

yg pastinye..bile ape2 da jd kat member aku yg sekor ni, yg tolol dan buta syg sgt kat ko ni..aku tau la pe aku nk wat..

mmg ko x kn nmpk dunia lg pastu! ank2 ko pon xkn jmpe ko lg! x pon diorg mesti bgga pnye la! ayah diorg yg gatal miang x sdr dri tu da mampos!

da la bdn kering mcm papan! eeee..mrahnye aku!!

just rotten & die honey....

can i just die? i dont know how to control my life anymore..everything such a chaos! i hate myself..idiot! i'm so lonely right now..maybe this is the cause..i want t o cry right now! arghh!! watafak!!

Oh!! Not Again?!

last night, i dreamt again..dream about the boy that i previously told about him in my blog entitled 'Oh!! It's Him!'..in my dream, my mom who is the one who invited him to my house for a dinner..he came to my home by motorcycle..i admit it! he is so handsome! i took a peek at him at the window but he suddenly noticed me..i dont know how but suddenly, we in the the shop..there, he asked me on why did i left him..he said that he loves me more than anything and want me to accept his love..he said that he wanted my answer and he do not accept rejection..

suddenly, hafis showed up and i'm trying to hide my self for being see of him..i took a lil girl's hand (which i dont even know how on earth she exist!) and try to take her to the toilet..another escaping plan that i tried to hide from hafis..he try to find me anywhere..

fortunately for me, hafis didnt knew who that boy is..i'm so relieved! the boy also try to find me to get the answer from me..at last, hafis found me..then took him away from that place so ,they can't met..and then suddenly i woke up!

then, when i continue back my sleep, again the dream continue..but...unfortunately...i forget about the dream..all things become blur and i noticed i woke at 810 am..sigh~~ i missed my sahur and prayer! and that makes me so so so hungry and tired!

Oh!! it's another him!

yesterday night, i dream about my first ex..i dont know how on earth he suddenly 'jump' into my dream..maybe i miss him a lot..i miss want to talk to him..deep down in my heart i know, i want to know what happen to him right now..is he ok? where is he right now? what he's doing? is he engage or something? when we had a break long time ago (about six years), he is someone who you can't relay on..he dont like to study,maybe because of his family financial condition that make him acted like that..anyway, in my dream, he turn up to be so handsome..have a carier (engineer i guess) he is tidy, not mess up like i know him years ago..at that moment, we were at somewhere,seemed like we are at boarding school..he met me up with his sisters..his sisters also become very gorgeous! even though their family, his siblings all are good looking..half chinese look and half english look..fair,brown hair..no wonder how i can fell in love with him..sigh~

its been 2 days i met up with my exes..one in a reality and other in a dream..is it a sign? or is it a test for me and hafis? only God know..

p/s: i really2 miss him..all i want to know that he is getting better with his life right now,God had opens his heart to become 'someone'..i will always pray for him.. ^~^

Oh!! It's Him!

finally i met him..a person who had appeared in my life..a person who willing to love me..a person who took care of me..it happened couple years ago, where i had rough time with hafis..he suddenly appeared and gave a 'hand' to me..he pursuade me when i'm cried..since at the moment hafis didnt took care of me a lot..or supposedly i'm the one who should be blame of? hafis took care of me, but i didnt know what went wrong, we always argued even in small matter..i cried a lot, i still remembered that time, where i cried under the clothes rack and he suddenly again appeared and pursuade me..at the beginning i become his post girl, every single letter that he wrote to this one girl who worked at the store beside our workplace...the girl didnt care of him, had a relationship but always broke his heart..he then, announce for a break..he couldnt help the relationship anymore and he make a decision to turn his love to me...and the worse part is i accepted his love..i dont know why..maybe because my relationship at that time i thought that it cannot be aid no more..i going out with him..only in work shift..there is once, he held my hand into his and we started walked together holding hands..in our lunch hour, he used to place his head at my shoulder, showing his love and his childish attitude to me..i liked it at that time..supposed, maybe that is what i need at that moment.the moment i being ignore by hafis..say i'm stupid or anything..i admit it..i been stupid at that moment, never try to save my own relationship that already pass for two years..with that boy, we never declare anything...he keep trying to make me fall in love with him more than my love toward hafis..but sorry for everything, i cannot backstab my boyfriend..one night, i told hafis about us, and as everyone should assume, he getting really2 mad, i mean really mad..he try to find that boy immediately on that night..there is nothing that i could do..i just pray for a miracle..hopefully there is nothing happen between them..that night, i keep crying..i love both of them..or maybe i only did it to get the attention that impossibly i get from hafis that time?
fortunately,the night going well..nothing happens..finally, me and the boy, are not talking to each other, and i quit that job started that night followed the term that hafis made..

and last monday, i met up with him again..a guy that have same date of birth with my mom..wearing a red shirt, holding his girlfriend hand and look at me as he flashback all the momories that we used to have together..he still the same, emo but good looking...wearing his favorite color, red of course..but all the sudden, all that things dissapeared..after saw him, i held hafis hand tighter and tighter..i dont want to let him go..he already accept my apology and that's it! i dont want to repeat the same mistake..enough is enough..hafis love me more than other do, so why should i turn back and go away from him? he is the nicest man i could ever met..

people used to say, 'find a person who love you, if you dont love him, you cant try to..'

sincerity and honesty are the main characters that should be in a relationship..

p/s: it is nice to see you happy with your life now..hopefully, she is the one..i will always pray for your happiness..and sorry for everything and thank you for your love..

Ramadhan Is Coming!

only left 3 more days before fasting month begin..i can't wait! i'm so exhausted actually..i keep going back home and come back here at college..last 3 weeks ago, i went back home because of the end of the last sem..and two weeks after that which is last week, i went home again for my uncle wedding reception! gosh! i'm really tired and not getting enough sleep of course..eating a lot! hahaha.. ^o^
and this week i will going back home again! for this fasting month..however, i think i cannot make the first fasting day because of...ehem..ehem..women problems..yay! its been 2 years since i cannot fast at the first day of ramadhan..
talking about ramadhan, this sem, i will not able to fast at home a lot..have to stay here because mid term exam is around the corner..only a week before raya coming..so, it is just rare to open the fast with my family! uwaa.. T_T
syawal also only a month ahead, fortunately, my baju kurung already prepared..i remembered when i was small at the age of 7-8 years old at that time, raya was the best part in my life..getting a lot of 'duit raya', the warmth environment that i had..kids here and there, went around the neighbourhood and ate lot of 'kuih raya'..unfortunately, nowadays, the situation is not same as past few years ago..no more kids here and there..if there is, they only came for 'duit raya'..not for the 'kuih raya' or just visiting their neighbours..
hopefully, all of this sadness i felt because of this few years will wash out..

so! SELAMAT BERPUASA for all the bloggers and SELAMAT BECOMING HARI RAYA! huhu..

to my dear friend...i love u...

my dear...
i wrote this to told u how much that i love u..i dont want bad things happen to u..remember ur old case?with ur boyfriend?i wrote this not to humiliate u..but, i dont know where else i can puke out all this things..u'r still young, people can still adore u..
but please honey..please try to pick someone else than him..its not that i want to control ur life, but believe me when i said that i have bad feeling with this guy..i'm not accusing him..no i'm not..
but, as i said earlier, i dont want any bad things happen to u..please dear, pick someone else...
he's someone's husband! and more complicated than that, he's have two wives!imagine u in his wives shoes?can u accept his behavior? going out with someone who we can call him 'pakcik or ayah'? u gave me a shock when u told me that u have feelings towards him..
he have lots of experiences...and of course he knows how to make ur heart melts with all his words? cut it out! for ur own life! or if u dont want to, please...think about ur mom...its not ease to share ur life, ur love with his other wives...and believe me..i'll not shock if he will do the same thing to u..(if u marry him) with other women..and another thing, his 'nafsu serakah' still high...and of course he want someone who still 'bergetah' to be the next! u cant imagine how i felt yesterday when u went out with him...till 12 to 1 am? c'mon! it s not logic at all! if anything happen to u, what do u expect me to tell ur mom? and the worst part, u can called me and told me that no need to worry about u, u still at seremban and u want to celebrate his birthday and only be back home at 12 @ 1 am??!!! and how on earth he want to celebrate his birthday thus he already near to 30 something? u know what? he is just using u, he's lonely, his first wife abandond him, his childrens all back at kampung, his second wife also have to stay at kampung and he live alone here..there! the truth is there! cant u see?? how can u trust a man in a slight of eyes? u just met him..less than 2 months....
oh god...think dear! think! use ur little brain..u r human! not a bug who have little brain and cannot think at all..see in the long term..i mean really 'long term'! not just a week or two weeks later!
unfortunately for me...i can only ask for ur favor, but its all up to u...ur call..if u think that what am i saying here are not acceptable, its fine for me..u have right in ur life...u can do anything that u want but hold on to my words..i am still ur fren whatever happen and u can still count on me..u can still have my shoulder to cry on..u can still hug me whenever u need me..coz i am ur fren...just, take care of urself and dont ever ever u let anyone using u..i love u dear..and i will always pray for ur happiness...

ur best friend,
aqish

love journey of a girl

on a one fine day, a girl told her mom that she want to work while waiting for the next year..she told her mom that she want to keep all her money for the school fees, stationery and etc..she made up her mind to try find a job at one utama, a shopping mall near her home..however, her mom told her, why not she work at mcDonalds, beside it's the nearest place she can work at and she dont need to spend her money on food..instead she can have free eating while she working there..

so, one day, they went to McDonalds and ask about the job at the drive thru..in the same week, she asked one of her friend to fill up the form with her..at least she have a friend who she can accompany to..

the following week, they being called by the management to come for the interview..wearing a blue long sleeve t-shirt and a jeans, the girl and her friend went there..finally, they both got the job and unfortunately for the girl, she had a soar eyes and it makes her works the next two weeks later..there, she became a cashier..entertained people and she found out that the job was very tough and need speed..her manager always placed her in the morning where she supposed to be at the restaurant early in the morning at 7 o'clock..

one day, her friend being asked to help other McDonalds outlet at The Mall Kuala Lumpur to handle their restaurant because they had a dinner that night..supposedly, her friend who being asked to go there..but, unfortunately, she made up some shit and the girl had to replace her..it made her so panic and her manager (kak M) asked her to asked this one manager whether she can follow him go there by his car..the girl told him that she had no money and he had to tanggung all her expenses..instead he said,'ooo. ko ingat abg ade duet la?..'but, she know that's all was a joke..

so, followed him by his car they went to The Mall..giler! there they have to doubled up (triple maybe) their speed because customer didnt stop entering the restaurant! she's very exhausted!so, after all running here and there, they finally closed the outlet..that night in the car, he (the manager that give the girl a lift) told her that he didnt sleep for 3 days!so innocently she told him ' abg, balik nie sue (her nickname) nk abg tido..jgn wat pe,trus tdo..'

started from that moment, they become close and 1 day he told that girl that she's his adik angkat..she is so so happy that finally she had abang angkat..he take care of her..

one night, the girl and him lepak at McD and she read all his inbox messages in his phone..suddenly he told the girl that, if someday he have a girlfriend, he wanted to meet with his becoming girlfriend parents..if he want to ask the girl out, he will ask the parents of his girlfriend permission..and girls..what do you think and expect from this ordinary guy?

so, to make the story and the girl's life more beautiful, she fall in love with him..she kept her feeling towards him..until half a year later, she cannot stand it anymore..she have fall in love with him and she dont want to see other women take him from her..when his birthday arrive at 5th of june, she expressed her feeling to him..he said he had knew it before..he had realized it..she blushed..she felt ashamed!the only thing that he did is kept smiling and say nothing..the girl felt guilty! she is not supposed to make him like this..he is her abang angkat and she should keep it that way!

after the incident, on 28th of June..her birthday..he sent the girl a message..his message written..'happy birthday, moga dengan bertambahnya usiamu, hubungan kita semakin erat..'at last! she finally found out how his feeling towards her..they never declare their relationship..but, what she knew, they finally had a special relationship...that situation dated on 31 December 2004...now..on 4th of August 2008, they nearly close to their 4th anniversary...she never imagine that she will have a steady relationship with anyone...maybe, next year they will engage..hopefully..

she love him so much..

she hope that he will love him as mush as she do..

and maybe more..

at this moment, she is smiling..reading back her story that written by her ownself..looking back how the journey of her true love began..telling her that how lucky she is that she have found a man that she love and the man love her also..that girl is....me..

written on 04/08/08

my happy ending...

i love him..i love him so much..till the end of my life..i finally settled my fear, my feeling and my problems..finally i vommited all my fear to him..i told him that sometimes i feel bored being with him..sometimes i feel terribled loving him..sometimes i hated himand sometimes i want to run from him...we had cried..a very huge cried within our ownself..we hugged and he told me that what had past already past..maybe long time ago he had a grudged over me..because of my parents..that is why sometimes he will make me felt like a jerk..but now..thankful to God, my parents finally accept him in my life..as my friend, my love, my being fiance and also my future husband..i'm so glad..so! thanks a lot umi & ayah for blessing us together..now, after the acceptance of my parents..we are totally happy with our relationship..we can simply go out together..not like usual where we have to make a secret meeting..he also take care of me..really really care..and it had opened my eyes towards him..i can finally love him without a doubt...he is the one..he is the person who i willing to spent my life with..he is my husband..he is Mohd.Hafis bin. Zamahuri...

*just now, he told me that his dad want usto engage as soon as possible..he just wanting it for so long..so, we had planned to get engage next year..insyaaLLah..so abah..we hope you can wait till that time arrive..and hopefully, my parents wont make a bad movement and tought in this relationship anymore..just wait and see..i cannot hold on much longer..and i cannot wait it anymore..

^_^

written on 3/8/08

kerna ku sayang kamu

Kerna Kusayang Kamu

seandainya,
kau ada disini denganku,
mungkinku x sendiri
bayanganmu
yang selalu menemaniku
hiasi malam sepiku

ku ingin bersama dirimu
ku x akan pernah berpaling darimu
walau kini kau jauh dariku
yang selalu ku nanti
KERNA KUSAYANG KAMU....

hati ini selalu memenggil namamu
dengarlah kekasihku
ku berjanji
hanyalah untukmu cintaku
xkn pernah ada yang lain..

adakah rindu dihatimu
seperti rindu yang ku rasa?
sanggup kah ku teruskn lena
tanpamu disisiku
ku kan slalu menantimu.....

i really love this song..this is our song, well, not actually our first song but it had lots of memories..i really miss u sayang..hohoho..

each of the word have their own meaning..hmm...love is on the air.....

friends for life?

it's just misunderstood!! cant you'll understand?? i already asked for apologize, i realized my mistake so why you'll do this to me? am i too guilty for you'll. argh! human, one mistake thousand days to be remembered. how about one goodness? not even one day you will remember..what you'll want me to do more? i already apologized to the person who i supposed to ask for..then? who do you think u guys can punish me like this?

watafak la wey! you'll always put me aside whenever you want, and pull me back also whenever you want..who do you think i am? a doll? i supposed to leave you'll..find new friends, change my environment..change my point of view..

unfortunate for me, i cant..i am very sensitive whenever its involves friends..to me friends are everything..but my friends always put me aside..why? it's because it's my destiny to always face problems like this?



i should try to find other friends and build up my social life back..

orphanage love

last Saturday i went to orphanage at ampangan, seremban.. we reached there around 915 am..
as soon we reached there, we had a breakfast and start 'gotong-royong' there..hihi..

after all the cleaning process, we had a break and lunch..after zohor prayer, we had ice breaking with all those orphans and had two game..just a simple game called kotak beracun and telefon buruk..

within playing kotak beracun, one of the orphan had to do something..what the action should she do? i couldn't heard well but instead of doing the action, she started to cry..poor her..she just 8 years old and maybe she lil bit shy with us..

while they playing the next game which is telefon buruk, i try to persuade her..then, we became closer and closer..

when we want to go back home, she didn't allow me to do so..she said that i cannot go back home and must stay there..poor kid..i felt like i want to take her home with me..but shit! i can't.. i already started to miss her although i just get into bus..

i hope i can go back there next time, i want to celebrate her birthday and give her some present..huhu..

happy belated birthday to me!!

yesterday was my birthday..so, happy belated birthday to me.. :)
anyway, its not so good day for me..i was hoping for my parents to wish it to me..
but....
until 0000 dated on 29th June 2008, I received no call from my parents..
its hurt a lot..
i don't ask anything from them..i don't ask for present..i just want them to wish it to me..
is it so hard?

i cannot story this..i 'll starting to cry so damn much..

change to other topic, yesterday, my boy came here away from his home..thanks a lot syg..
at least i know there is someone who cares and love me..

even its not last for long period..just more than couple of hour..but I'm happy!!
not going anywhere far, just went to bakery shop to buy a cake and then straight back to hostel for a tiny celebration...

after he returned home, i only spend my rest day at home..so damn boring..my birthday and i dont have any chance to celebrate and enjoy my birthday..sigh.......

make me invisible!!

i keep wondering why i cant be as happy as anyone else around me...looking at them,happy with their life makes me wanna scream!! argh!! why i cant be like them..frankly, each time i see people laughing with their frens, i'm so damn jealous! stalking through their myspace with all the outstanding pics of happiness...sigh..what should i do.. sometimes i really dont know what actually i want in my life..there's no point to go to, no objectives..alone..lonely..

ooohhh...i hope i'm invisible right now....

love,love,love and dissapointment

i don't know what's going on with me lately..i tend to forget everything around me..lately i forgot my boy birthday! oh! its sucks! i don't know how that's happened to me..what actually that i been thinking? maybe i just hearing instead of listening..sigh..i should change my attitude..don't know what else i should do..

in the past few weeks, i always argued with my boy..this continuously happen till now..sometimes its all about small matter..i know he not so well, continuous fever, his leg hurt..and that makes him easily get tempered..its not that i wont understand but he supposed try hard to control his feeling, his emotions..i tend to get hurt,i tend to cry a lot...till when i have to face this..whose fault actually? his or mine?

i'm the one who don't understand or he's the one who never trying?

we even argued in the marriage course..watafak! replying message to each other..arguing about small matter..what is happening to us actually? he even scold me whenever i make a mistake..i only can keep it within my heart..i cry inside..i broke inside..

sayang, if u read this, i want u to know that i love u so much..i need u to understand me, i need u to take care of my feelings, make me feels needed..i miss u a lot..i dont know what happen to us lately but please help me fix it...

relieves?? naahh...

at last, i already get trough my first exam..alhamdulillah..everything happened smoothly as i expected..hopefully, my answers can fulfill what my lecturer wants..however, unfortunately for me, my BF have to go to terengganu for some sukma things..ohh! how i miss him damn much..and unfortunate for me again, he will be there till the end of my holidays which is at 9/6..gosh! when i get to see him?? however, i pray for his happiness..he go there for work and i willing to face it..

but,its all under a lot of conditions..he must buy for me anything from there..especially..keropok lekor!! its been a long time since i ate it..mybe in last year? probably..

its turn up that the new girls in my house still flooding front of their toilet door till kitchen..just now, i came back from examination and i noticed that the toilet and kitchen are flooded with water..

i'm tired, i'm exhausted, i'm very2 sick of them and i want they go out from this house..i feel much happy when only three of us in this house...owh!! how i miss that memories..

lack of money..

haih!! ari yg bosan..nothing interesting happened today and make it more worse its been blackout at 415 pm..fortunately its happened only for an hour..the funny part is, when the electricity turn out, all the girls along the SC are screaming like hell! hahaha..u can heard all the voices talking here and there..and when the electricity turn on back again all the girls screaming again! haha..funny! its seemed that all the girls are directed to scream at the same time..

back to today,we all have class to attend to..haih!! so tired..supposed there is no class for the rest of this week..this week is for study week..but, i dont know why, she conduct a class for today..lets put aside that topic..yesterday night, i asked all my frens to play ice skating..and its turn up, they said 'jom kite g sok nk?'..what??crazy la you'll ni..i dont have enough money la..i dont know where my money gone to..i dont see anything that can be a proof of all my missing money..
(sigh..) i have to be more careful next time in using my money..

tired but happy!!

yesterday, i went to jeram toi with all my frens..it's been a long whole day..in a group of 9, we went there around 9 am..its a great day for all of us..as we arrived there, the temperature was so cold..everyone resist to started to jump into the water..hahaha..i'm the last person who get into the river! its so damn freezing! however, we r not so lucky..at the noon, it started to raining..so, we decided to pack up our things and head to jusco to play bowling! tired tired and tired..we played two frames and that makes my hand and legs hurt so bad...after finished up two frames, we heading to citypark to finished up our foods and had a picnic there..everyone watched us but we didn't care bout them..we been there till maghrib and thats is the end of our journey...exhausted but lots of fun!!!

life sucks!

again i had fight with my boy..its really tensed me up but fortunately, its settle already..he said that i had change..change to my old life which i used to be a tomboy..hahaha..his words lil bit harsh but it makes me awake! he said that my laugh sound like pontianak at the nite.. and my way of walk like a men's walk...sorry honey! didn't mean that but i promise it wont happen again..love u! hehehe..muaxx!

so come back to my day...i have new house mates..yeah! not one but two at a time..both from johor and they still young at the age of 18! argh! kids..they both are frens and always together whenever they go..one is shy and the other one have bravery in any kind of situation..however, i had been given a very hard task by their parents! 'please watch out for my kids and bla blabla....' its really suck..given responsibility to take care of them...i hate that..since they still young so i have to take the responsibility of them..they love to hang out and come back home so damn late! as a senior for them, i little bit worried la! nti ape2 hal jd aku gak kna tanggung..

that's just one of the problem that they created..so many problem la dgn this girls ni! since they stay at room no 1, they toilet is outside of the room and the thing that makes me so so so angry, they opened the water tap at the higher level and get bath until all the water running out from the door and flood the kitchen!! fucker u girls!! so, i had stick a memo outside their toilet door and i don't know what they will think and i don't even care!

to make my day become more 'interesting', i found out that my bucket and mop had been stole by aunties cleaner!! another fucker! i already report to the hostel office and i found out another interesting story that will make me happy all day long! those aunties cleaner had been caught by police and they now are in jail!! hahaha! u deserved it bastard!! wat psl lg ngn aku! even i have to sacrifice my bucket and mop, i still happy..so, i told akak hostel to give me rewards or something
for my things that already lost and she promised nothing to me..i don't mind..as long i feel very2 happy about that aunties cleaner...(^_^)

first blogging!!

oh yeah! at last i do blogging..crazy? mybe..oh shit..to be fact, this is my first time do this blog!daah! really stone..what am i supposed to say..mybe clearly introduce myself..name is shuhada..juz call aqish..sje nk noty2 lorh!! how stupid i am..what happened today? nothing interesting..juz a normal fucking bored day...and i still again go through this bored life..what should i do?? sometimes its really annoying thinking bout my life..i want somethin out of control,adventure,challenging..if i flashback my life..there's nothing interesting i did..since child my mom control my life..dont do that,dont do this, u look ugly wearing that.. oh mom! please! let me live my own life...and now my life full of pressure..asgmnt around me..omg! cannot stand this kind of pressure..
blaah!!!